Having trouble choosing a smartphone, because once I have one I will be a part of a group. Assumptions could be made about me.
I have difficulty “moving up” in a business or in my career because I just can’t decide how deep I want to be involved in any one thing. I don’t know if I want a job or business to be associated strongly with my identity. If I were to be highly involved, assumptions could be made about my character.
Choosing to stay in Pittsburgh a whole year was and still is horrifying. I have habits, and assumptions can and have been made. The inclination to flee is always scratching at my back.
Men. I keep it light in my romantic relationships. I haven’t taken a man seriously in my life. Or, rather, I’ve never commited to take a man seriously. The desire may have existed, but the follow-through has not existed. I don’t want to be pegged. I do not want my identity to be associated with another person. I don’t want to be seen as a “girlfriend.” I don’t want there to be rules to what I can and can not do. Consideration of another person when it comes to my life choices IS A BIG THING. *FOR MYSELF, I view commited relationships as a taming, as a breaking. If I were to be coupled, assumptions would be made. I’d be safer, more predictable. I’d be doing what young women are supposed to do.
At 28, this contrariness is becoming a very very serious issue. One foot out the door, always.
*I don’t necessarily feel this way about everyone.
I wore my aunt-who-died-last-year’s dress to my aunt who-died-this-year’s funeral.
Attn: Kelly Lanzendorfer
Buying local butter, raw milk, and sour dough. Planning to go to the “really good” butcher and the farmer’s market tomorrow. Going to the backyard and picking some eggplant, saying hello to the cayennes and tomatoes, and picking some basil. Cooking up some of Emma’s family’s eggs. Making a tomato salad with Who Cooks for You heirlooms and some garlic scapes and my own roasted eggplant. Sipping down some water.
Eat well, kids.
I’m a woman that is 28 years old, single, not defined by career, white, has no children, not a lot of money, and is overweight. The most shocking thing? I LIKE MYSELF.
I’m coming to realize that that alone is revolutionary.